


It Can Feel Really, Really Good

by thirteenohtwo



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 19:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18414656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirteenohtwo/pseuds/thirteenohtwo
Summary: Beau's not sad, Jester's not curious, and Caduceus totally knows what's going on.





	It Can Feel Really, Really Good

“Beau?”

“Hm.”

“Are you sad?”

“No,” Beau replies automatically. The question sinks in, the hushed tone Jester used as to not wake up the others, which is odd. Jester doesn’t usually worry about that, her exuberant voice often wakes the others but one small smile is all it takes for them to forgive and roll over, back to sleep. “Are you?”

Beau knows that sometimes people ask questions they want others to ask them.

Jester shrugs and in a quick but silent moment, she’s crawling around the others to sit next to the monk under Caleb’s dome. A little difficult with Yasha laying across the middle, but they make do in the now much more cramped space. “No.”

“Cool.”

A few more minutes pass by where Beau pokes and pulls at the gloves on her hands and tries to ignore the world. Jester hums, not quite a tune, and her tail swishes anxiously. “So it kind of sucked. Fighting our friends, I mean.”

“Yeah, that was bullshit.”

“Are you sad you had to hurt them?”

With a groan, Beau drops her hands into her lap to turn and scowl at the Tiefling. “I’m not sad! Why do you think I’m sad?”

“You’ve just been super quiet since you ripped out the bull’s heart!” Jester insists in a whisper, her big purple eyes glowing in the dark. Beau curses and looks away, crossing her arms. “It would be okay if you were sad, Beau.”

“I fucking know that. I’m not sad,” she snaps.

A huff comes from Jester and she wiggles until there’s space enough between them that Beau feels cold again.

Jesus. What does Jester want from her? They’re all alive - barely, the monsters are dead, and everything is back to normal. Sure, her knuckles are still caked in Yasha’s blood, Caleb’s slack face and dazed eyes burned into her mind. But whatever. They’re fine. She’s fine. “I’m fine,” she repeats quietly and swallows down the sharp lump in her throat. “I’m… Dairon said to not get attached. And, you know, a year ago that would have been so easy. I mean, I learned pretty young that caring about people never ends well. Caring about people hurts.”

Drops of moisture down here in this underground cavern of horrors echo in the silence. Beau grits her teeth and doesn’t even realize until Jester is pressed against her side again, until she’s releasing the tension in her body.

Her head lolls to the side, gaze drifting until it lands on Jester’s blue hands fiddling with her dress. “And then I met you,” Beau mutters. “You guys, my friends. And I thought that maybe caring about people doesn’t always hurt, maybe it just hurts to care about assholes… I was wrong, though. Dairon was right. It still hurts and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Jester is quiet and pensive, and it’s usually never a good thing when Jester is silent and pensive. It almost always ends with everybody running from the law. The thought drags a small smile from Beau. “Do you wish you had gone with her instead?”

“Gods no.” There’s no hesitance, no beat between the question and the answer. “Caring about you guys hurts but I don’t think I could stop if I wanted to. I’d-” Beau shakes her head, “that was bullshit but I’m glad I was here to help. Everybody’s alive.”

“I think Dairon is wrong,” Jester declares and then winces, lowers her voice when Fjord turns on his side. Beau’s eyes are wandering near her face, goggles hanging around her neck. “We’re all here. You could have run, and Caduceus would probably be dead. I might be dead. We might all be dead. But you love us, so you stayed, so we’re all still alive. Alive is better than dead, Beau.”

“Okay?”

 _“So…”_  Jester grins and her tail flicks, hooking her arm with Beau’s. “Getting attached is better than not! We’re only alive because we’re attached. Caring about people might hurt sometimes, but it can also feel really, really good.”

“Uhh…” The thought that Beau just had doesn’t manage to connect to her mouth, not when Jester’s tail loops around her abdomen. “Sure?”

The smile she can see, just barely in the dark, is all teeth beneath the glow of purple in Jester’s eyes. The Tiefling walks her fingers up Beau’s arm, her hum a little more musical this time. “If you keep not running, if you stay attached… maybe I could show you just how good caring about people can feel?”

“Please, gods, not in the bubble,” Caleb mutters from the other side.

Nott flips onto her stomach, curled up on the bag of holding with a sigh. “I can’t keep up with who’s banging who in this group.”

“No one’s banging anyone, go to sleep!” Beau snaps.

Jester snickers and cuddles into the monk’s side. “Well, not yet.”

“A couple hours to get back my two slots, that’s all I ask,” Fjord groans. “You can have an orgy in the morning for all I care, I just need a couple hours.”

“Everybody just go to sleep, we still have a long day tomorrow!” Beau whisper-yells at the group. She waits, leaning up, looking for movement, and relaxes when the silence seeps back in.

Damn.

The tail around her tightens, Jester’s head on her shoulder, and the two sag against each other. There’s a lot to talk about, to deal with on every end… but it can wait for the morning. For now, everyone deserves to sleep.

…

“Banging is sex, right?” Caduceus asks.


End file.
